The EFM Feature

By now, you’ve probably all read about poor Monty Johnson, who has the misfortune of living next to John Edwards? He dwells on 42 acres that’s been in his family since the Depression. Mr. Johnson has been known to brandish firearms to chase away trespassers, which frightens Mrs. Edwards, who called her neighbor’s property “slummy” and her neighbor a “rabid Republican.”

“I don’t want my kids anywhere near some guy who, when he doesn’t like somebody, the first thing he does is pull a gun out,” Elizabeth Edwards told the Associated Press, explaining why she hasn’t said so much as “howdy” to her neighbor.
In response to Mrs. Edwards’ suggestion that he left his property in run-down condition to spite the Edwards family, Mr. Johnson said: “I have to budget. I have to live within my means. I don’t have millions of dollars to fix the place…I thought he was supposed to be for the poor people,” Mr. Johnson said. “But does he ever socialize with any poor people? He doesn’t speak to me.”

Of course, Mr. Johnson is looking to sell his house, because he’s tired of living next to people who don’t want him there. This brings me to my proposal–Gov. Romney should buy Mr. Johnson’s house and replace the handmade “Rudy for President” sign that’s in his yard with a giant banner that promotes Gov. Romney’s new North Carolina headquarters.
Why not? High faluting liberals aren’t gonna want to come all the way down into red America to be his neighbor–why not get some nice real estate and the chance to continue the “rabid Republican” heritage?

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